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Doctor CREDIBLE MEDICAL EXCUSES FOR THE ABSENT EMPLOYEE

Reasons for taking time off work vary. Be it a family emergency, a medical condition, a misunderstanding with a co-worker, a hangover or a much needed break from stress employees everywhere and anywhere from the supervisors down to the rank and file will always have reasons to absent themselves. Unfortunately for most companies, employees take time off from work usually for reasons that are just unacceptable in a professional environment. Most of the time the more credible excuses are medical and should come with a doctor note.

The more common and credible excuses used by employees would include the common cold or the flu. Because it is infectious in nature, employees with colds or flu are usually allowed to stay at home in order to keep co-workers from catching the virus. Those with colds and flu are usually advised a day or two of bedrest as well as medication and plenty of fluids.

Physical injuries such as sprains and muscle strains are also common medical excuses especially if it effectively prevents the employee from performing the current job. A doctor note for injuries may require some amount of home stay and rest as well as special instructions on certain tasks that employees may or may not perform. A doctor note may contain for example certain limitations in terms of the number of hours an employee can stand or as to how heavy a weight the employee can carry. These instructions would of course depend on how severe the injury is. Other related excuses would be severe back pains and other muscular pains and injuries.

Another common medical excuse that an absent employee may present in a doctor note would be intestinal or abdominal pain or discomfort, usually caused by food poisoning and diarrhea. Dehydration resulting from such illnesses can make the employee severely weak. Moreover, the discomfort can also be distracting at work and may compel you to use toilet facilities every so often. For these type of illness a doctor note may recommend another day or two rest.

Skin allergies and infectious skin diseases are also common medical excuses for absences from work. Carbuncles and boils which aside from being painful, can also infect a co-worker are valid excuses that may be placed in a doctor note. Carbuncles take a while but it will not be until its last stages that the pain will become unbearable. This entails minor surgery but will not get you off work for more than a day.

Other acceptable medical excuses are however more difficult to make up because of its severity and extent. Of course if your illness genuinely requires hospitalization then you are more than excused from work

But whatever the reason and whatever the excuse, what’s more important is that you have a good doctor note to back you up. Most of the time unless employees present their doctor note, their absences incur consequences ranging from salary deductions to termination. If you’re faking it a credible doctor note can be found and purchased online, complete with a hospital and clinic logo as well as physician details, contact information and signature.

Dr E.Z. Streat runs a credible doctor note website. Visit his site to learn more about doctors notes.

Fake college diplomas have become quite the collector’s item and serve as excellent conversational pieces in many situations. Now you can choose your field of interest and level of study to secure a fake diploma that will decorate your walls and create curiousity in others to want to know where you obtained it.

It is important to remember here that this is all in good fun. You are securing these fake diplomas to have them and because they look interesting. Certainly, using a fake college diploma or transcript for a job application could land a person in a heap of trouble. Besides the illegality of use in such situations, it creates a lot of embarrassment for the individual if the truth became known that his/her education was falsified.

There are many places where you can find a novelty fake college diploma of choice for a very affordable price. When searching the Internet, make sure you visit and do business with sites offering these items just for fun. Once there, you will able to choose from a variety of majors and levels, i.e. undergraduate, graduate, PhD and so on. You can even find package deals that will include all types of diplomas and fake transcripts that will show the coursework involved in your degree of choice. You may have only studied up to the bachelor’s level in Mathematics but with a fake degree, viola! You now appear to have completed your doctorate in Physics. How about those who always wanted a degree from a top business school? With a fake degree, this is now possible to achieve – and not to mention with a whole lot less work!

The next consideration is also the realism of the piece you intend to order. It should have the many features of a normal diploma issued at universities such as paper stock, quality printing, signatures, seal embossing, and color. While ordering a fake diploma is all out of fun, you should still have one realistic enough to fool your friends and family members.

Another good use of fake college diplomas is that they also make great custom gifts. Rather than settle for the ho-hum-drum kind of gift everyone can get at the nearby store, fake diplomas can be personalized with the recipient’s name and choice of school. It is unique and not commonly found in many places. Whether you purchase one as a joke to give to a family member or friend or as a novelty item for someone who is a collector, there will be a diploma to meet your specific needs.

If you are a collector of unusual items you won’t often find in the homes of other collectors, you might consider purchasing a few fake college diplomas to round out your collection. Your options are endless. By surfing the Internet, you will be able to see what the various companies have to offer and in many cases, view a picture of the fake college diploma so you can get an idea of how it will look once it is framed and hanging on your wall. Purchasing such a diploma is also a great way to dress up a home office or study.

Emma Vasquez writes for http://www.DiplomaMakers.com Diploma Makers is the trusted source to get a fake college diploma because of their attention to detail, good customer service, and great end-product. Order your life experience degree from the premier diploma replacement service worldwide.

When I glanced at the cover, I mistakenly assumed this was going to be some kind of self help and diet book. A writing genre that induces a comatose state in me after page 2!

I was completely off base, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is a wonderfully funny look at the how we perceive that others might view our ’sitting muscle’. Both authors are to be congratulated in producing such a witty dialog. Both are accomplished stand up comics, and I am sure that some of the material used in the book originated in their on stage performances.

B-Fabs (Big Fat Ass Babes), the authors assure us are all the rage, being a B-Fab should be worn as a badge of honor, not hidden behind tent like structures!

There are so many hilarious parts to this book it is hard to pick my favorites, one story that does stick out comes from Dana of Oklahoma. Very pregnant and shopping for maternity wear in her local JC Penny store, her darling five year old daughter wants to know why she is so fat. I am having a baby she patiently explains, its a miracle growing in my tummy. The five year old contemplates this concept for a few moments and then comments “I know that mama, but whats growin’ in your butt?” Oh the joys of small children!

Laura Banks and Janette Barber tackle all sorts of everyday situations and offer sage advice for the B-Fab. For example, how to deal with competitive family eating. How can you ensure that you get your fair share in a ’serve yourself’ at the table environment? Simple, sit down 10 minutes before everyone else and sneak nibbles under the guise of helping out.

The ideal boyfriend or husband we are told, is one that does grocery shopping unasked and likes to cook.

They even offer advice on underwear for the well proportioned, thongs are OK, but bright colors are recommended. That way, in the case of a trip to the Emergency Room, they are easier for the doctor to locate.

Although this is a richly humorous book, there are threads of a deeper concept running through it. Far too many people, women in particular worry way too much about their self worth and how others perceive them. This results in low self esteem, and even depression. The message in Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is loud and clear. Live for you, not for someone else’s image of you.

A very funny read, and one that I can recommend, but I will give a word of caution to anyone thinking of buying this book as a present for their wife or girlfriend. You likely will be sleeping on the couch for a while. And I would definitely think twice about giving as a valentines gift.

With ‘true confessions’ sprinkled liberally throughout the book, you will be giggling from page 1. Although this is not a recognized genre of literature, in my mind Embracing Your Big Fat Ass falls into the ‘Bathroom Reading’ section. A book that you can pretty much open at a random spot, read a couple of pages and get a chuckle out of.

There is also a supporting web site http://www.embracingyourbigfatass.com.

You can pick up your copy from Amazon.

Simon Barrett is the senior editor for Blogger News Net and maintains a personal blog at Simon B. Now semi retired in the depths of Mississippi he has plenty of time to read books by up and coming authors.

This society’s penchant for personal branding and individuality has lead to complications. When you do not want to be identified, you will be and when you desire anonymity, you will gain notoriety.

Unlike clothes, you cannot disown a personalized business card holder with business cards in it! So what happens when your business card holder is found in these places and everybody you know teases and confronts you about it?

Sleazy Motels

Sometimes, but hopefully not often, you will stay in a roadside motel with a reputation for being a lovers’ nest, a prostitutes’ haven, and a brothel front. This is not to say that you frequent these motels but road mishaps do happen especially when you are on a hanky-panky business with your paramour! (Such an old-fashioned yet appropriate word, don’t you think?)

What do you tell your wife when the desk clerk calls to return your leather wallet with your initialed business card holder to boot?

* Your car was in an accident and the motel was the nearest accommodation available. Well, it is the truth so you get to tell just half a lie. It is good for your conscience, don’t you think?

* Your buddies surreptitiously got your wallet with the business card holder tucked inside and played a prank on you. This is a good one when your buddies will cover your ass anytime of day, no questions asked, and the desk clerk is incapable of speech and thought. Good luck on the second one.

Strip Clubs/Brothels

Uh-oh. You are in trouble. But have no fear; you can always lay the blame on others, on alcohol, on fate, on the weather and on your wife herself. Here is how:

* You can tell your wife that your buddies dragged you into the club but you just watched the show. Cross your heart and hope to die. (Well, actually you crossed your fingers those girls will take it all off.) At the same time, your buddies are also laying the blame on you so that makes all of you even Steven.

* You got so drunk you were barely aware of where you were, which explains the wayward wallet with the business card holder. You slept through the whole show and your buddies helped you get home, Again, better pray to the gods of men that your buddies will cover up for you anytime, big time!

* You were fated to be there that night. If your wife is a big believer in destiny, then maybe it is your destiny to fool her, too. Maybe.

* You just found cover from a brewing storm inside the club. Is there something wrong in keeping your head safe from lightings? Certainly not!

* This is the ultimate. You can tell your wife it is her fault because either she does not cater to your needs anymore or she is not desirable anymore or that she constantly fights with you and you needed to get off steam. You can always pick a fight and divert the issue, right?

However, something bad can be said about leaving something as identifiable as your business card holder in these places. What on God’s earth were you thinking when you brought your business accessories to these places anyway?

You will not be in trouble now and reading this if you divested yourself of business articles before going on monkey business, will you?

You will not be ashamed to carry around high-quality engraved Zippos and a genuine leather money clip from ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com, even when your business card holder gets lost in the most unlikely of places. Find all these and more at ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com today!

Disclaimer: This article in no way seeks to diminish the profession of accountants and to elevate the profession of assassins. This is simply a tongue in cheek analysis of leather briefcases as used by accountants and assassins alike. (Remember, you must love your accountant lest you find yourself in trouble with the Internal Revenue Service and you need to love assassins lest you find yourself in trouble with the Bible’s commandment about loving your enemy. Sad but true)

Professional Disparateness

Though you might think that assassins and accountants do the same thing - they can kill you, only in different means and methods - they are very distinct professions with equally distinct characteristics. Here are just two of them:

* Accountants deal with the paperwork and numbers. They lug around voluminous papers that threaten to drown anybody who dares decipher the codes embedded therein and they eat numbers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And these same papers are miraculously stuffed into the slimmest of leather briefcases!

Assassins deal with the dirty work and revolvers. They lug around killing tools that can be hidden most conveniently inside their coats or the most elegant leather briefcases and they eat souls like the Devil incarnate. Or at least, that is what Hollywood wants us to believe; God forbid you ever cross path with an assassin out to terminate your existence.

* Accountants use the power of the pen and calculator to kill (okay, make that crunch) numbers. And lest you even dare think that you can actually make sense of financial statements without burning the midnight oil (and a few of your functioning brain cells while you are at it), think again. Accountants use them to confuse both you and the Internal Revenue Service. And these financial statements change as fast as you can count your fingers! Drat, there goes your profit reduced by depreciation yet again.

Assassins use the brute power of car bombs, sniper rifles, blades and other weapons

of destruction, plus a timer here and there, to kill numbers. If you cannot make sense of financial statements, you cannot make sense of the killings either.

Professional Similarities

Now, this is the more interesting part. How can two professions - one killing inanimate numbers, the other killing animate numbers - have similarities? If you think hard enough, you will get these:

* Both accountants and assassins have uncommon affinity for leather briefcases. It seems that leather briefcases serve the purpose of organizing files and ammunitions at the same time! Remember the movie “Wanted”?

* Both accountants and assassins must be licensed. The former by appropriate government agencies before they can practice their profession. On the other hand, assassins must be licensed to kill by anybody they like whether borne of their own demented minds, fanatical beliefs and monetary greed.

* And oh yes, both accountants and assassins can kill you. Accountants kill you by spiriting away your money to bogus corporations while assassins kill you by spiriting your soul, or whatever it is that makes us human.

In conclusion, if you suspect your accountant to be an assassin in disguise ready to make an ass out of you, then leather briefcases full of your financial documents could be on your next target, er, agenda.

To find the best personalized card holder and leather money clip, as well as leather briefcases for your chosen profession, go to ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com now!

First step: complete the address you want the email to be sent to. Then, you fill in the sender’s email, subject, message and sender’s name. Before you know it, you will become an anonymailer yourself! You will be joining other hundreds of Internet users who send anonymous email messages each day. The best thing is that your identity is completely unknown and you can use any email address as a reply address. The difference from this service with other similar resources is that when you send an email, the receiver sees both your email address and your name. This is indeed one great advantage.

What are other reasons you may have to become an anonymous mailer besides free prank email sending? Perhaps you suspect your husband of cheating on you and you want to catch him on the act. If you are a model citizen, then perhaps you might transform in a hidden sender and inform tax office about those who dare to cheat on their tax paying duties. Untraceable emails can also be used as a way to declare your romantic feelings to somebody. This resource is also perfect to send secure emails when your own email address does not function (temporary email). Other reasons for wanting to hide yourself from email receiver: reporting something to your boss (you might not desire for everyone to know you sent that specific email), sending fake email to verify the loyalty of your friends and warning someone through anonymous emails. In fact, there are so many reasons you should be interested in such a service. It might be a fake email or you may want to send email on behalf of someone. A free prank email can turn out to be a great joke, allowing you to tell (later) to your friends about hidden email sendersend anonymous messages.

However amazing this resource might be, you will have to understand that it cannot be used for illegal activities, committing offence or fraud. You can send emails to anybody but that does not mean you are not to respect the law. For your own security, both the IP address and country of residence are recorded. You can send your own fake email without using any real names, password or personal server. Fame email messages are sent through their server, requiring no SMTP or hosting account to be used. There is no limit on how many anon e-mails you can send throughout the entire day. The send a fake email service can be used from any part of the world, on any computer and by any Internet user (advantage of this service - support HTML platforms). If you enjoy this service very much and prefer sending fake mails through proxies, then you should be interested in the premier account. Apart from an increased number of additional features offered, the premier membership means no footer ads. You will get this service for $12/y. Best part is this service is unlimited. It’s great, isn’t it?

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When you become an adult, parents tend to be the hardest people in the world to ask money from. Not only because they probably have no money to spare but also because you are expected to provide for yourself now! The worst part is when you have to listen to lectures about hard work, thriftiness, and responsibility. Like that would be any consolation to your empty stomach and equally empty leather money clip.

Parents are not exactly heartless. In fact, your parents might just be teaching you about adult responsibilities that you refuse to take as you cling to being a Peter Pan. There is nothing wrong with being a Peter Pan as much as there is nothing wrong with Michael Jackson. Or maybe there is? But I digress. Here is how to make your father hide his leather money clip faster than you can whine “Oh, Pleaaasssseee help me, Mother”.

Be the Greatest Liar Who Ever Lived

Never ever tell the truth behind your begging them for money. You can invent good excuses for your real troubles - you are sick when you actually are pregnant and want an abortion fast; you have overran your credit card limit because you bought nice things for your sisters in college when you actually have gambling debts enough to pay the year’s mortgage; or you need to take maintenance medicines for depression and anxiety when you are actually a junkie.

If your parents know the real trouble you are in, you can bet your last dollar on your woefully-slim leather money clip that your request will be rejected. Until such time you tell them the truth, maybe.

Discuss How You Plan to Spend the Money

But discuss it in such a way that your true needs will not be addressed. You can be as imaginative as you want in wasting the money they will be loaning you. If you know they have funds for a Hawaii vacation, tell them that you want to go to Hawaii because the doctor ordered it. (Use the depression and anxiety excuse, if you like)

Not only will you end up with lesser money on your leather money clip (cab fare or gasoline sounds familiar?) but you will also be alienating yourself from your miserly parents. No more “Mom, thanks for the quick loan”.

Just Because I Said So

You have often heard this phrase from your parents when you were younger. You want to wear Goth makeup and they told you no; you ask why, they tell you “Just because I said so!” Well, now is the time to use the very same phrase to have your wish done.

Never ever give your parents time to decide about your request. Never ever put your reasons on paper lest they find an “i” with no dots and a “t” with no slash. If they sense something fishy about your request, there goes the dollars to feed your hungry leather money clip.

It is a Donation, Not a Loan

And the best way to scare off your parents is to tell them you are asking, not borrowing. Be as insensitive as you can be about their needs. You might just find yourself kissing the door while they slam it on your face. Your old bedroom door, of course. Nobody said anything about loving parents actually throwing you out on the streets!

Of course, if you really need the money for valid purposes, you should never ever follow this advice. Otherwise, you really are asking for trouble, not money.

If you only you were one of those successful career people with leather briefcases and a personalized business card holder, you probably will not be asking your parents to fill in your leather money clip. Nevertheless, should you need these things, visit ExecutiveGiftShoppe.com.

My husband has been known to have some unconventional behavior at times. Some of it is intentional and some of it is not. I especially remember some of his earlier antics.

Men who grew up with much younger siblings are more naturally at ease with taking care of babies. Larry did not have this advantage. It soon became evident the night our friends, Jim and Sally, came over for dinner with their 6 month old child. Wanting to give my husband some practice time in handling babies, Sally handed over her baby to Larry to hold for a few minutes. He was clearly nervous and uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do. When I announced that dinner was ready, Larry who is always the first in line when it comes to food, eagerly turned to put the baby down on the blanket so he could eat. Although my husband was not kid savvy, he was quite familiar with cats, particularly how they can survive falls from great heights. The fact that he was holding a baby and not a cat did not occur to him. He just didn’t make that connection. Thus, Larry bent down so that he was within approximately a foot or so of the blanket and tossed the baby expecting that this little creature would make a perfect landing. Everyone stood in horror as the baby left his arms and clumsily landed on the blanket. We all stood with mouths wide open and out stretched arms hoping that one of us would be able to cushion the impact. Unfortunately, no one could react in time, but we were all quite relieved that the baby was okay and survived my husband’s na?vet?.

Shortly after this episode I became pregnant. My husband and I attended Lamaze classes as most expectant parents did. One night at Lamaze class, Larry shared his theory about how he believed that this birthing thing was not as bad as women made it seem. He was joking of course, but since no one in the room really knew him, his comments were taken seriously. He pointed out that many women of other cultures often gave birth in the farm fields and went right back to work. He felt that American women were pampered too much. His saw no reason why we shouldn’t just get over it and go back to work immediately. My husband was not well received that night, but he loved the fact that he could stir things up so much.

When our son was born, Larry helped by doing the housework and anything else that needed attention. He became more proficient at holding and bathing the baby, and would occasionally change a wet diaper, but shied away from changing the soiled ones. After a month of this, I decided that he needed to do his share of dirty diapers. I issued the ultimatum…. Do it or wear it! I called him over and instructed him on what to do. I did most of the work, but after that first time handling a diaper full of those little surprises, he broke out into a sweat and had to go lay down on the bed. It simply was too much for him to handle. After all the drama, he went on to change hundreds of dirty diapers. In my mind, Larry was now officially a father!

In retrospect, my husband should have been labeled hazardous material and our family has the scars to prove it. Larry had painted our bedroom just prior to my giving birth to our second child. He had not gotten around to putting the sliding closet doors back on their tracks and instead just propped them up against the wall. One morning, my husband was getting ready for work and had moved one of the doors to get his clothes. I was still asleep and unaware of the perilous situation. As he was about to step out of the bedroom, the thirty-pound door fell over giving me and my nose a wake up call that I will never forget. After the initial shock and viewing the gruesome site, I immediately gazed over at my 3-week-old son sleeping in his bassinet at the foot of the bed. He was happy and sound asleep. My nose was broken and in need of stitches. The closet doors were hung back on their tracks that day.

Leaving my husband in charge of the kids always tended to make me a little nervous. Larry often enjoyed spending time cast fishing from a canoe with our older son who was 3 years old at the time. He was concerned about safety and always made our son wear a life preserver. Unfortunately, I should have insisted that our son also wear a helmet because one day Larry returned to the house announcing that we needed to go to the hospital. He had cast the fishing hook into the back of our son’s head!

Our younger son did not fare much better in his father’s hands. When our son was about 6 months old, I put Larry in charge of the kids so that I could do some errands. I would only be gone for an hour. What could possibly happen? When I returned, I was greeted at the door with that all too familiar announcement that we needed to go to the hospital. My son had fallen out of a chair and cut his head.

Over the years I’ve learned to anticipate certain behaviors, as my husband is predictable in some respects. However, sometimes there is just no way of knowing what he is going to say or do next. Living with him is never easy, but it is certainly never dull. Helmets are a must.

Beside writing humorous stories, Sue Ticotin’s, Defining Elegance LLC also offers baby bedding and luxury bedding and duvets , European fine linens, custom bedding, coverlets, throws, shams, baby bedding, decorative pillows, draperies, and accessories.

I am holding a can of peanuts in my hand and reading the label. The front of the can says it contains Roasted Peanuts. I turn the can around and read the ingredients. The main ingredient is Peanuts. I believe we can assume that this is a can of peanuts. But wait a minute, there is another category that says Allergy Information: And guess what it says. Contains Peanuts. Is this ridiculous or what?

I’m sure there are three reasons for the redundancy:

1. We are a nation that is hooked on excessive government regulations.

2. We are a sue-happy nation.

3. Lawyers create the laws and regulations. Who benefits from the above two reasons?—need I say more.

Gee, I wonder why the American people put up with this sorry state of affairs?

Is Logic Logical?

Logical reasoning is in short supply. Just listen to the candidates running for political office. You have to assume that logic and reason have taken a permanent vacation.

Putting Quantum Physics and certain metaphysical principles aside— the laws of Newtonian Mechanics are applicable to most ordinary decisions in everyday life. A=A. This is irrefutable.

If you purchased a bag of apples at your local grocery store, arrived home and discovered that your bag of apples were oranges you would exist in a state of uncertainty—your life would be chaotic. Or if you were driving, came to an intersection with a stop light and green wasn’t really green—in fact green is often red—you probably wouldn’t reach your destination.

You prepare your morning pot of coffee—pour a cup—take a sip and swallow. Suddenly you are gagging, choking and coughing. Your cup of coffee is actually a cup of bleach. Your everyday existence would obviously be in question. Long-term survival would be almost impossible.

Modern Philosophy

I discovered that some of the philosophy courses in a number of modern universities teach that everything is indeterminate. A doesn’t necessarily equal A. A might be B or possibly C. In fact it might not exist at all. “A” is an illusion.

I’m sure you are comforted by the fact that the thick, juicy steak you’re cooking on the grill might not be steak at all. You just think it is steak. It might be something else—possibly an old shoe. Even worse, you are suffering under an illusion that you are actually cooking something. There is neither a grill nor anything cooking on it.

Conclusion

It is obvious why a can of peanuts has to be labeled peanuts—has to list the main ingredients as peanuts—and must warn you that this can of peanuts contains peanuts. If A doesn’t equal A, it is evident that listing the main ingredient in a can of peanuts as peanuts means it might not be peanuts. So to make sure that the consumer knows this is a can of peanuts there has to be an additional warning that states this can of peanuts contains peanuts.

I am confused about one thing though. If A doesn’t equal A, how can we be sure the allergy warning is actually correct—when it states that this can of peanuts which has as its main ingredient peanuts, contains peanuts? Maybe it actually contains dried prunes, or apricots, possibly lizard tails, toenail clippings, worms————.

Isn’t modern philosophy wonderful? It must be. Our candidates for office take advantage of it when they are making promises. The voters seem to believe in it. And of course, our political institutions are run on its “tenets.”

Still—why do the American people put up with it? Maybe they believe that “A” is anything they want it to be. You know this is enlightening. You can have your cake and eat it too. That is, of course, if it is cake we are eating.

At The Ballgame

“Take me out to the ballgame. Take me out to the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.” What an afternoon to watch a ballgame! There’s the vendor. Peanuts, peanuts, get your peanuts. Hey, throw me a bag of those peanuts. I can’t wait to open the bag up and start crunching on em’. Wait a minute. Hey, you come back. These aren’t peanuts. These are nails. What’s going on here? I want some peanuts.

Robert A. Meyer has been investigating and studying economics, philosophy, psychology and metaphysics for 30 years. He realizes there are basic principles of Human Action that will help you become successful. His knowledge that life is to be lived on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level allowed him to discover “The Libertarian Way.” He experiences its many pleasures and ecstasies on a daily basis. http://libertarianway.com/